I'm going to Florida tomorrow. No, I'm not a senior citizen with a deathwish (that's where they go to die, man.) I'm on a family vacation: one that is forcing me to work my ass off this week to finish all my schoolwork for next week by tomorrow (Friday.)
This is really sucking right now. It will be awesome after tomorrow, but then it'll probably suck again when I get home. Suck suck.
Mmmm, my neck feels so good right now...
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Things I'm Afraid of Tonight:
- never being discovered
- being the kind of crazy person that knows they're crazy and can't keep from losing control
- wolves
- continuing a cycle of losing friends, gaining new ones, and losing those
- my house catching fire while I sleep
- losing a limb (especially a hand)
- going deaf
- zombies
- my libido
Labels:
fear,
self-evaluation,
stream of consciousness,
winter
The Resolutionizing Thus Far
So far I haven't been doing very well with my NeYeRe (New Year's Resolution. (I came up with that on my own. (Yes. It is stupid. (So are multiple parentheses.)))) My attempts to reign in my crazy and be a better man have failed. In fact, I think that both of these options are too crowded out by the phony character I play when I'm at work to even fight over my mindset when I'm off the clock.
Tonight I experienced signs of mental instability in the form of mood swings which forced me to act like the silly, ineffective, (cute,) trying-to-be-funny self that I often indulge only to despise later in the evening. Honestly it was the thought of my beautiful bride which gave me an anchor to sanity again. However, once out of the pure crazy I then turned silly/eccentric. I amuse myself when I'm in that mood, hence the indulgence. Tonight I wasn't upset with myself afterwards, just a little worried.
Some concrete words to say about my struggle thus far:
Sometimes I want to be stoic and strong and a pillar of compassion.
Sometimes I just want to get laid.
Tonight I am finding ways to be ugly.
This should explain the mustache.
Tonight I experienced signs of mental instability in the form of mood swings which forced me to act like the silly, ineffective, (cute,) trying-to-be-funny self that I often indulge only to despise later in the evening. Honestly it was the thought of my beautiful bride which gave me an anchor to sanity again. However, once out of the pure crazy I then turned silly/eccentric. I amuse myself when I'm in that mood, hence the indulgence. Tonight I wasn't upset with myself afterwards, just a little worried.
Some concrete words to say about my struggle thus far:
Sometimes I want to be stoic and strong and a pillar of compassion.
Sometimes I just want to get laid.
Tonight I am finding ways to be ugly.
This should explain the mustache.
Labels:
fear,
self-evaluation,
stream of consciousness,
winter
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
To Reconcile Contrary Truth in 2008
Here is the thing about being married to my wife:
I love her more than anything for being an anchor, a spotlight of truth and hope in my life.
Here is the truth about being a 21 year-old wannabe rockstar:
I want to be dangerous and free and respected for my skills as an asshole.
Reconciliation of these two truths is my aim for the new year.
I love her more than anything for being an anchor, a spotlight of truth and hope in my life.
Here is the truth about being a 21 year-old wannabe rockstar:
I want to be dangerous and free and respected for my skills as an asshole.
Reconciliation of these two truths is my aim for the new year.
Labels:
self-evaluation,
stream of consciousness,
winter
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